3mo ago

Watching cool transfems and cis-fems online or in shows makes me sad now so I'll stop

[Requesting Engagement from transfems]

(Blahaj lemmy told me to put this up top, so I did)

I did not expect this to happen. I followed FairyPrincessLucy for a long time, cuz she's real nice and seems cool.

Time passes and I noticed how I would feel very bad when watching her do stuff. I was like

damn, she so generally okay with her situation. Wish I was too lol

So I stopped watching her.

Just now I discovered another channel, Melody Nosurname , and I really, really like her videos! She seems very reasonable and her little character is super cute <3
But here too I noticed how watching the vids made me super uncomfortable.
The representation is nice, for sure, and her videos are of very high quality, I can only recommend them (as in - the videos).

I started by noticing

woah, her tshirt is super cute, I wanna have that too!

Then I continue with

heyo her friend here seems also super cool. Damn wish I had cool friends

And then eventually the classic

damn, I wish I were her

At that point, it's already over. I end up watching another video and, despite my genuine interest in the topic, I stop it in the middle, close the tab and open Lemmy (and here we are).

Finally I end up watching videos by cis men, like Scott the Woz. They are fine, and I end up not comparing myself to them (since I wouldn't necessarily want to be them). I also stopped watching feminine people in general online, as they tend to give me a very similar reaction. Just like

yeah, that's cool that you're mostly fine with yourself, I am genuinely happy for you that you got lucky during random character creation <3

I also watched The Owl House, which is a really good show (unfortunately owned by Disney) and I stopped watching when...

I wanted to see where the show was going, and I'm sure it's real good, but that is not worth risking my wellbeing, I thought.

So anyway...

have you had a period like that before?
How did you deal with it?
Do you watch transfem people? Please share your favs! <3
I also like watching SimplySnaps. Her videos are also really high quality, I just end up not being able to watch them for too long before sad hits :(

EDIT: Changed info about SimplySnaps
EDIT2: Added The Owl House example

19 comments

For reference I'm a 23 year old trans woman that has been on hrt for 3 years. I usually don't experience this feeling watching transfem content, but cis women still regularly make me deep envy. If anything trans women are the only women I'm not jealous of lol. The idea that my body wasn't just like that naturally and I have to extensively modify it to even reach a rough approximation can be really upsetting at times. I will admit that a lot of my envy is caused by not their bodies themselves, but the fact that they get to be that way with zero effort or pusback from society. They don't have to take meds to look that way, and nobody is trying to stop them from being women.
I live in the US and the threats to take away trans healthcare or make it prohibitively expensive have only exacerbated my envy of cis women. There's a lot of existential dread surrounding the fact that my femaleness is maintained only by a "benevolent" insurance system where most choose to cover hrt and bottom surgery. They could decide to stop at any point and then I get medically detransitioned. Being cis feels extra privileged at the moment. But yeah, seeing cis women go about their day being happy and beautiful and successful has made me stop consuming certain media and has actually brought me to tears, so I understand the feeling. Seeing cis lesbians in the media is probably the worst for me because I feel some insecurity about being perceived as a "real" lesbian or belonging to that culture.