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  • Thanks for the kind words/wishes yesterday, and low for reaching out

    I just want to clarify in case I've sent the weekly message, I'm okay. Well I'm about 30% okay, but I'll get through it.

    I left because over the last few months I've really just felt like a burden pretty much any time I say anything. It's not entirely because of what I say, but I think more often because I realise that everyone else, whether here or not, has much larger issues, while I'm off complaining about minor things in approximately 7,000 worse per comment. I tried to fix that by cutting down on what I say, how often I'm here, and by trying to help other people when I could, or otherwise try and be openly empathetic (I used to hold off because I thought that "aw I'm sorry such and such is happening to you. Hope it stops happening soon!" sounded too much like a hollow statement, despite finding it very helpful when people would reply to my troubles similarly). But usually I ended up figuring out a way to make it about me, which was pretty awful of me, and I almost deleted my account a few weeks ago when I realised. But I took a little break instead

    The break doesn't seem to have helped, I think I'm just genuinely shit at anything that's not a 1 sided dialogue. I hate that, and to be honest, kind of despise myself for it. Probably a side effect of not having many friends when I was younger so not developing proper social skills, and being in care for so long, where everything very much is one sided and hollow. But in any case, it's a deficit that I realise I have, and can't seem to be able to fix. But I think because of that, I'm not a very good person to interact with, so until I do work it out, I just don't think I do anyone any good being around here

    But I do sincerely appreciate the help and advice everybody here had given me. You are all amazing people, and I'm sorry for the troubles I've caused

    I'll be back one day, but I don't think I should come back until I know I can do better. I actually think that may come naturally once I move out and into an environment more conducive to good mental helath

    ✌️

    • Baku, you are NOT a burden. For many of us you're a shining light. Social skills is something we all struggle with from time to time, and you do as well as any and better than some. Growing up is hard work, and even harder for those that are self-aware. I, for one, value very much your willingness to communicate. We may never meet you in person, but I think we all have a pretty strong liking for you, and much respect for your courage and good heart.

      But you do you. We will be here when you feel you are ready to resume transmission.

    • Hey Baku. It's the internet. It's hard to get the right tone across. I think everyone has failed at that atleast once. You're a bright young man. Don't hold a grudge against yourself.

      All the freaky people make the beauty of the world - Michael Franti.

    • Much love to you Baku. No one has this thing called life figured out, those that look like they do are just pretending. You'll be okay, and we'll be here when you're ready to come back.

    • Dude, what you’ve been through and are still doing isn’t a small struggle. It can and does result in ptsd. There’s no reason to be sorry, there has been no trouble caused.

      You take all the space you need to settle though, there’s no pressure. Lemmy will still be here

    • Hang in there, Baku. We all have different troubles and we all deal with them in different ways, and yours are no less important than anyone else’s. Writing stuff down and having a vent can actually be helpful in dealing with things, I reckon, and I don’t think anyone here minds if you do that.

      I also get what you mean about not knowing what to say when you want to sympathise with other people - I feel like that, too. Can’t quite find the words to say what I really mean, or worry that it comes across as trite. It can be so much harder in print rather than in person, without the extra nuance.

      Studying can be stressful, too. Take care of yourself and I hope you’re feeling better soon; do come back when you’re ready.

    • I feel exactly the same way. With the one-sidedness, hollow statements, social skills. Can I just say, I come here and complain about the most trivial shit and somehow I'm still welcome here?

      For what it's worth, we've all got big and small things going on. A cool part about being human is getting to talk about what's happening in our lives. We are social creatures. Your story and your presence is part of this community. It is one part of the awesome mosaic we've got on here, and helps make the community what it is.

      I'd like to think many people go home and talk about their days to the people they live with, if they don't live alone. This is one way of doing that.

      You have caused the opposite of trouble. In fact, I look forward to reading your updates. Rooting for you.

      P.S. your train knowledge is very impressive. I have a feeling you'd be fun to train spot with.

    • Hope to see you around again in the future if/when you feel up to it - will miss you a little in the meantime!

  • Morning all! Thought I'd update you on my lifely happenings. Elder Minipeeler has started at his new school and it's been great so far! The first morning he really tried to get out of it and I had to chase after him a couple of times because he was so strongly reluctant to go in. But the boy who greeted me at the train station in the afternoon was a different person; relaxed, relieved, happy and even a little confident. He's chosen Fitness as his elective subject for the term, which is a huge departure for a kid who's not really into sports etc, which shows me he's interested in improving himself. He's kicking goals and I'm so proud 🥲

    Now Miniest is having issues with school 🤦🏻‍♀️As well as getting a sniffle the first 2 days back, she's been getting headaches from the rowdy noisy class she's in. There's a cohort of disruptive boys in the class who are in grade 6 (it's a 5/6 mixed class) so the school has no motivation to deal with it as they'll be gone soon. The teacher is really lovely but seems to have no authority or method of dealing with it (seems new to the job). I feel like he needs to show some assertiveness and calm strong leadership and "grow a pair", or 12 year olds will take full advantage of the lack of repercussions. I can see some parent - teacher/school communication in my 🔮

  • Been a day of painful, chesty coughing. Luckily not as bad as the previous time, hoping this bloody clears up soon. No fever or chills so far thankfully. Regular codral seems to be helping (even though it's not the good shit).

    Soxcat has been very affectionate today, sat on my lap for hours and was in my face quite a bit. I'm so grateful to have her company during these trying times.

  • Ah, a sign of the times that the Tenants Victoria call line goes straight to "we are experiencing a higher than usual call volume and cannot help you" right after pressing the numbers to get assistance as a private renter. Guess I'll have to spam call over and over

    E: managed to get through to a really lovely lady, unfortunately it's really unclear as to whether VCAT would consider that "market rates" include REA fees de jure (even though they very much do de facto). But it's worth trying to appeal anyway, I guess. Gotta do what I can 🤷

    E2: appeal lodged. I'm really not confident I'll get a rent reduction but ah well. Not fussed about souring the relationship with LL when they were the ones who pulled the dick move anyway. I don't want to move and be locked into a year long contract when I'll leave by June. Might look at slowly getting rid of my stuff (and plants...) in the new year and see if I can go stay with a friend or extended family member for cheap in the last couple months and leave this place earlier, if possible.

  • Done: Tomato tart in both GF and standard, bacon quiche in normal plus onion free. Another round of washing up then I do both versions of spinach. Cake tomorrow. Decorating, last shop, and meat marinading Friday. This is exhausting.

  • Breakfast is a touch late, but porridge has now been acquired. Cooked with banana and coconut mixed through, served with yoghurt and drizzled with honey.

    • Taking Mr woof out early today with the sun out?

      • We always go for an early pre-breakfast walk, which was nice with the sun but still very cold this morning. We also usually go for a second walk in the afternoon or evening - today's looks like it will be very pleasant and we will probably have a nice long walk, which might make up for some of the super-short walks we have had recently when the weather is bad.

  • I think it might be a porridge morning. Feels like minus 1.7 out there apparently.

    Edit: I'm heading out for a morning stroll with Mr Woof. Hopefully won't freeze to death.

    Edit 2: I survived. Even warmed up enough to take off my beanie.

  • I hadn't seen or heard the local magpie or his fledgling (swoopy Boi and bebbe to their mates ..ahem..me) but they both came down to say hi as I left the train station. Little one had a sing at me. Then we all got swooped by a pair of red wattlebirds....

  • Am waiting on a delivery today. It was headed in the right direction and not far away, but then veered off and now seems to have gone to Ascot Vale Red Rooster

    Essendon DFO now. Had a snack, doing some shopping

    Checked out the planes at Tullamarine and is now roaming the western suburbs. Go West, young man

  • Let’s see if I’m stupid enough to stay up and watch the Aussie T20 Women play at 1am against NZ.

    I’m going to be so wrecked if I stay up for the whole thing.

164 comments