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What does "out of my league" even mean?
The concept of someone being "out of my league" is a myth. We really should stop putting people in these categories and instead see everyone as an equal challenge. By labeling someone as "out of my league," I am limiting myself and degrading the people who I think are "in my league." It's better to focus on people we're genuinely interested in and not place them on such a high pedestal that they feel they need to be worshipped. Rather place them high enough to think they are prized. The people we date are the ones who we think are great, and we believe they could make us great too.
I feel we should remember that no one is out of anyone's league. We should rather focus our attention on a person we're genuinely interested in and challenge ourselves.
You never know what might happen until you try.
"Out of my league" also removes the other person's agency. Maybe they really like people who look like you, despite what popular culture implies. By approaching someone with that attitude you've already made their decision for them, which isn't fair.
Reminds me of an old David cross bit about an NYC garbage man that hits on every woman he sees while on the job, because surely someone out there wants to fuck on a pile of trash.
You would be surprised... Like 15 years ago a guy entered the U-Bahn ( subway in Germany ) where i was in, sat beside me and was like, talking a lot and i was pretty relaxed and got into the conversation. Turned out, he was Brazilian ( i grew up in Brazil) and we actually had a nice conversation.
But like after 10 minutes he stood up and said "time to get to know some girls, bye - see ya". A lean guy, tall, wicked, but in a one piece luffy kind of way. He looked around and went straight to a woman, sat beside her and guess what. They were immediately in a deep conversation, but she got out just two stations later, but not without exchanging numbers.
A moment later he was already talking to another woman and she was visibly positively engaged in a conversation.
I was dying inside, when he went to the first woman. Then I was intrigued and this made me think a lot. For example, this is normal behavior in Brazil ( still, not that bluntly ), but here in Germany not. People are usually very reserved, keep for themselves. This guy, talking, very broken English, doesn't even know that any kind of other leagues exist. He exists in a language overriding, extra smooth king of league.
Here's the thing, i admit that my first thought was: he went ti the most"out of his league" woman. I was sure this was gonna be a
"Bitte, lassen Sie mich in Ruhe!"
moment or that she would just change seats, without engaging at all.
I met him a few times after that, he was like, at all parties for the next few months, always talking to everyone and making lots of friends.
I was 22 and this encounter changed some of my views for the better. I learned that you should not judge or assume anything, about anyone, just by their looks.
There are people that are not open to this kind of direct talking, even more so in the subway and I'm sure people told him off. I certainly am not looking for new friendships, when i commute and would rather be left alone. Ah yes, that happened at 7:30 in the morning, on my way to work, of all times and places.
Only the Spanish inquisition storming in, would have topped the unexpected-ness.
Duuude, that happened to me. I felt so stupid when she told me that back then, I only had to try and we would be together. :(
I mean if I'm ugly and the girl is hot I think she's out of my league.
You seriously shouldnt. Of course it matters whether people feel physically attracted to someonee.... But attractiveness is not the same as beauty. I noticed that a big push for being attractive is a high self confidence. I personally also get attracted when someone speaks really passionate about something.
That's a good point. Attractiveness is different than beauty, and I guess looking like a model won't be worth much if you're an asshole.
I have a bunch of women as friends and many of them say the same: A guy can only be average looking to them but say something really smart or nice or funny, and all of a sudden everything about him is beautiful.
Sure there are some people who really got dealt a bad hand when playing poker for their face but there's definitely much more to attraction than just physical appearance.
Is the same true for women, though?
Yeah, I think so.
Out of my league means that there’s a high chance I’m going to get rejected. How do I know? It happened to me. It happened to my friends.
Does this guarantee that I will be rejected? No. Does mean that I’m putting the person on a pedestal? No.
It merely means that being rejected sucks. It’s not fun. And to avoid that sucky feeling I’ve chosen to avoid pursuing people with a high chance of rejection.
This behavior is not putting people on a pedestal. After all, if people of my league were truly that amazing, it would be worth it to pursue them. Kind of a high risk, high reward approach. Instead, it’s generally true that a relationship with of an out of my league person is just as fulfilling as someone in my league.
Tldr: out of my league means high risk, low reward
Easy to say when you win the genetic lottery.
I absolutely did not win the genetic lottery. On a very good day I might be a 4. I also have a confusing to me amount of romantic success. Like, dating multiple people, and this having been the case for years, successful. It's not about winning the lottery, it's about cultivating yourself as a person, and being open to opportunities.
Then cultivate the idea, that the other person is also, in fact, a person and gets a ton of advances.
Especially as a man it is difficult to approach a "high league" woman, because she gets approached by tons of guys and you have to convince her somehow that you're a) not another creep and b) actually maybe worth her intention.
I'm not trying to blame women here, just keep your eyes open to what good looking women have to endure in some circumstances. That's horrible. And blocking many advances by default is kind of self defense.
About the pedestal thing: if you look closely you will most likely see many things that are not perfect about that person be it looks or otherwise. I have put people on pedestals that were neither really good looking, nor good people, they just seemed like that superficially.
I have put people on pedestals that were neither really good looking, nor good people, they just seemed like that superficially.
Same. As I got to know them, I learned that it was all a facade. They practiced that look, both in trying to seem really attractive and also trying to seem like they weren't trying to be attractive, when in reality, their lives revolved entirely around that false image.
No one is "too good for anyone" and no one is "beneath anyone." But anyone can certainly act that way!
You're correct but from a joking standpoint it's funny
I mean I get it, but I'm a short, balding, blue collar schmuck with no education above a trade school after highschool. There absolutely is a league and I'm not in it, I'm not even in the same sport as some people.
To use the rather gross scale for reference a 6/10 with a good job and a degree wouldn't spend 2 seconds thinking about dating me, she's got 262948291 options that are better than me. That's what out of my league is. It's that line of chads in the image, they're all the people that are better than me. Usually people talk about looks, but it's also the whole package of what you have to offer. All I have is the clown outfit.
I've used dating sites where I can't even get responses from 2/10s, they were put together with decent jobs just not attractive, even they dont give me the time of day. There are people that are just out of your reach, they won't pay you any mind because you are "beneath" them, as in they can do better and they know it.
No shame or disrespect in that, know your worth and aim for the best you can get. I don't blame people for not giving me a shot, they're smart lol. For me the limit is somewhere between brain dead and animatronic women lol
What do you mean by 2/10 like is that your own subjective rating? What do you mean by "do better?" Like people are so freaking complex, for me no measurement scale can encapsulate it all.
I suppose it's a subjective thing, but I think once you're lower than 3 that's where most people would agree that you're not generally physically attractive.
By "do better" I mean finding a more attractive person with a better job and is humorous.
Being "nice" and "funny" are like condiments on a sandwich: they're nice to have, but people are looking for the turkey, ham, whatever sandwich and are happy to have nice condiments if they're there, but if they aren't it's not a big deal. I'm not winning anyone more attractive or even equally attractive with my ketchup ass self lol
OP is the second guy from the left. OP knows that the girl is very fond of creepy clowns, but still hopes that she'll like funny memes shown on his phone.
Also, the clown is well known to have a very large penis. He's able to give pleasure to multiple partners at once, for a long time.
You're kinda telling people to waste time. It is not a myth.
League, rating scale, etc. are a measurement that's made from the outside. Not internally. Everyone wants to date the best that they can date. A fit muscular guy is likely going to garner more attention from more people than a fat guy. That is a fact. Subjectivity in attraction certainly exists, but it's not that widely swinging. A very few curve extremely outside of the norm (i.e fetish). For example, almost every person attracted to a male would find Brad Pitt very attractive. Etc.
So if you go after the attractive person, they're also going to get many alternate options. And they're going to pick someone they find most attractive among their suitors. If I had 100 matches on a dating app for example, I'm only going to bother spending my time talking to 10 of them and ghost the 90. I just can't deal with the rest, humans only have so much time. If I get 1000 matches, I'm going to ignore 990 of them. My criteria in picking who is most attractive is likely not that much different from anyone else.
Question of if they're out of their league means are you in the ignore pile, or the talk to pile, and sometimes the friendzone pile (i.e. you're the backup). You can try to claw your way out of the ghosted, but your chances are slim. So it's better use of your time and resources to retarget to another lower tier person who might only get 20 matches and will bother talking to 10 people. If that still doesn't work, you keep going lower. This is effectively how the "dating marketplace" puts values on people.
You can keep trying to date the higher tier people, but you'll keep getting outright rejected or not have a long term relationship with them. Because they know they can do better because they'll keep getting suitors throughout their life.
World was certainly easier to date in the era of pre-dating apps or social media. Since the pool of people around each other is a lot smaller. But thanks to online interactions, we're literally competing against countless others. So, it's better to not waste your time on someone out of your league. You aren't going to keep them. All you did is waste time (and probably lot of money if you're a guy, and that money is going to be proportional to the gap between your leagues).