It fucking sucks listening to music in an apartment and feeling no emotional effect from the loud parts besides anxiety about 'oh god will my neighbors complain'
i don't have any answers or anything but it does suck. headphones are not the same.
If I occasionally faintly hear a short sound, but it's not noticeable when I'm focusing on something else and it's only every few hours, I'm fine with it. Any more than that is unacceptable IMO, unless all your neighbors do it and are okay with it somehow.