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I am starting to plan my suicide.
I hope you procrastinate as much as possible
Do it to a landlord instead, get free room and board for the rest of your life.
And all the love you'll never want
If you are serious and then you have nothing to lose: Look up adversarial occupation.
Squat in a rich dudes house long enough and its yours. Might be fun to try.
I need to do something, otherwise I'm having the equivalent of a destination wedding somewhere with easy access to prescription medication. It's a scary proposition but this is not an economic system I fit into, and I can't think of anything else to do.
I fully get you the world is nuts right now. I just don't want you making a permanent decision to solve a problem that may only turn out to be temporary.
I've been shit on and underemployed my entire life due to the way I was born so I get the pain and desperation and I've been down very similar dark paths in the past. I mean I'm not trying to compare, right now your pain ins objectively the most immediate and imminent.
And I wish I had better solutions for you, the ones I found might not work for others and I wouldn't exactly call myself 'thriving' but I get by better than a lot of people in this wealth divided country.
Maybe I can offer better insight if you detail more of what's going on. I'm not a crisis counselor but I've lived through enough crises that I know to use the word 'crises', so that has to count for something. You really sound in a stuck place, tell me about your rocks if you feel up to it. You can even PM me if you prefer.
Honestly, it helps hearing I'm not alone in what I'm experiencing. I wouldn't know where to start with the rest.
A good free resource is NAMI, google them for your area, you can talk to someone free who has training on these kinds of things. They might not be able to directly help you, but they will point you in the direction of those who can.
Don't give up, skeleton!
Wait and hope. I've long struggled with suicidal ideation, and I continue to work on it. I don't know you and I know you're not asking for for suggestions, but I can't see someone else struggling this way and say nothing.
The economic system is fucked, so fitting in is not necessarily a good thing. "It's no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." I know there are real financial pressures and struggles, I don't mean to minimize that, but thinking "I will participate as little as necessary" instead of "I'm not doing well at their game" has helped me find a sense of worth outside "success." Without you our team gets smaller. I think there are a lot of us, we just haven't had great ways to organize, but I see even being able to connect here on lemmy as a reason to hope.
As for what to do, doing nothing is better than doing something in an unjust system. Some of the things that have helped me: going to the library and walking the isles looking subjects that interest you (while we're on the subject, might I recommend "How to do Nothing" by Jenny Odell); Finding a natural space or park that you can go for a quiet walk; Working on personal projects, drawing, writing, etc which can come from and feed into time at the library.
I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds. I know when you're feeling hopeless, suggestions can feel like a condescending nuisance. I hope this is not that. I hope you hang on. We need more people who can see this is bullshit.
A solid retirement plan.
I don't even have a career to retire from, I'm squarely in the precariat despite my MSc, apparently I'm not an economically valuable individual.