Burn it all down. It's the only way to be sure

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My wife has been like this for as long as I've known her. She hates spiders, even if she rationally understands they aren't a threat and are good for eating other bugs.
But now she's passed her fear on to the kids. And I'm not always around to slay the demons, so she goes full mama bear and destroys entire rooms to swat a daddy longlegs.
Our son is 11 now and as tall as she is, and is generally well-adjusted right up until he sees a cobweb on the ceiling during a shower and starts screaming like, well, exactly like my wife does. And she has to be the adult and tell him he's overreacting, and that there's nothing there that can harm him.
And our daughter, 9, is not happy to see a spider, but hates killing them more than she hates seeing them. So she's screaming, too, saying "Don't kill it, what if it has babies and they miss their mama!"
So I was out at the store, and come home to my son, soaking wet and wearing only a towel, cowering behind my wife, who has ripped the shower curtain rod from the wall and is wielding it like a sword, and my daughter begging them both to let it live, saying we can just move to another house and let the cobweb have this one.
Yes, I said cobweb. Not even a spider. Just where a spider was once.
So that's how our first day of school has gone so far. How about you?
- My friend, that is a funny story, but your wife's phobia is now impacting not only her but all your lives.
  For me, that's the crossover into "need to talk to someone" territory.
  Spiders are also ... good. Like, of all the bugs in your house, they're maybe the one you want to cohabitate with the most since they help keep all the others away.
  
  I appreciate your concern, but I confess this story is an amalgam of several humorous events. My son did jump out of the shower over a cobweb one time, and my wife did pull down the shower curtain rod to use as a weapon another time (one of those tension rods that comes down easily). And my daughter did plead with us once not to harm a spider "because it might have babies," but she didn't want to live with the spider, so she suggested we move out and let the spider and her babies have our home.
  It didn't all happen today, I just thought that was a clever lie to tie it all together.
  Each of these events was met with as much amusement as fear. The kids also garden, and they aren't afraid of bugs, worms, or spiders in the wild. It's just when they get in the house that they panic, and I suspect it is as much about recreating funny memories as it is actual fear.
  
  Concur. I don't like cobwebs either, but that sounds like enough fear to really hold ya back from being able to enjoy every day life.
  
  I'm going to add that even though they absolutely freak me the fuck out, since the house centipedes have been visiting, literally no other bugs exist in my home, even spiders.
  The scuttling is a nightmare but considering the good they've done we have an arrangement now.
- Just saying, I had an epic battle against 6 spiders hanging out between my outer screen door and my inner door. I knew they were there. I brought the fight to them.
  It was glorious!
  I'm arachnophobic.
  A couple days later and I'm still feeling anxious.
  You know the size of a top of a normal 12oz soda can? Put one on top, spread the fucker out a little and they'd probably touch the rim with their feet.
  Someone get me the peppermint oil and the flamethrower.
- That is hilarious! You are an excellent writer as well. Storytelling perfection!
  I kind of have an opposite experience with my 11 year old son. My wife has the above stated hatred/fear of Spiders, but she's deathly afraid of Snakes (way more than spiders). My son, however LOVES snakes. A few weeks ago he and I were on a hike and ran across a decent sized Rattlesnake. My son was running up ahead of me and called back that he found a rattlesnake. He has a healthy respect for them and kept his distance. It was a beautiful Western Massasauga.
  My son now like to tease my wife with pictures of snakes, throwing his stuffed snake at her at surprise times, etc. It's all in good fun, and my wife is a good sport about it.
  Edit: snake in question

Is your wife thinking about conquering her fears?
Tl;dr : I conquered my fears but it took the help of a therapist and psychiatrist.
I had severe anxiety of driving.
I really wanted to drive. Even though I had the license to drive, even though I knew for a fact i could drive, even though I really really wanted to drive, my nervous system would go into fight or flight mode once I started even thinking about driving. so I asked my mental health professionals about it.
I got beta blockers to slow my heart down and then I started desensitizing.
I can drive now.
- In this case, I exaggerate for comedic effect. It's not that bad. This is a very empowering story though! Thank you for sharing!

I like that Lower Decks shows that there's still a need for more conventional cutting tools in medicine. It's usually a laser, hypospray, or scanning light. Sometimes you still gotta amputate.

12 comments