Elizabeth Warren Trolls Trump and Vance: ‘I Wouldn’t Trust Them to Move My Couch’
Elizabeth Warren Trolls Trump and Vance: 'I Wouldn't Trust Them to Move My Couch'
Really loving the "Just enough to be deniable" couch attacks on Vance.
I loved Seth Meyers' first joke about it when he came back off break (which is when Trump picked Vance):
"It's NOT TRUE that JD Vance had sex with a couch. It is JUST A RUMOR!"
...
...
"It was just hand stuff."
However a lot of people are saying. Strong people, tough people. And they are saying very strongly. Lots of people. I don't know, but a lot of people are saying it.
The best thing about it is that nobody actually believes it's a real story. But it's a great joke, because it just fits him so well. And the joke isn't just that he would romance a loveseat, but that he might write about it without an ounce of self-awareness. The dude is not just awkward as fuck, but in a sinister sort of way. You could easily believe that if you left him alone with your own sofa, he might do unspeakable things.
I dunno man, I believe it's true.
A couch is too risky. A love seat is right the fuck out. Maybe a recliner or kitchen chair is safe.
A fucking recliner? To reduce risk? You want to stick your dick into this thing? That's a hard pass from me, friend.
La-z-boy recliners are ambush predators, I hope one manages to get him.
He doesn't want love from his fuck toys. Just cushioning.
More cushioning for the pushioning
There was at least one “JD Vance did not have sex with a couch” headline that had to be changed, because how could anyone possibly know whether or not someone has fucked a couch? Journalistic integrity dictates that you only make statements like that if they can be backed up by facts. I could be fucking my couch right now and no one would ever know.
OF link? I'm asking for my friend, JD uh.... Pants?
The AP apparently took the article down, but this talks about it.
elizabeth warren lampoons trump and vance
S L A M S
I snorted my beer at that line. It was extra hilarious coming from someone so typically buttoned up and above the fray like Senator Warren. Gods I do like that woman.
Wise. One would steal and sell it, the other would fuck it.