Don’t forget to use your paper straw!

This fuckin' guy. He lives in Newport Beach and was made the CEO of Chipotle, which was headquartered in Denver. Since he didn't want to move to Denver, he laid off almost the entire corporate office and moved it to Newport Beach.
He justified all this by having a consulting company come in and do a study about where the best restaurant talent is in the US. Surprise, surprise. The best place for a corporate office just happened to be right where this assclown lived.
I guess what I'm saying is two things:
Fuck this clown.
Starbuck corporate employees are about to be surprised to learn that apparently Newport Beach has the best coffee talent in the country.
- It all makes sense now, why the headquarters is close to Boeing Field. Remember, patronize your local coffee shop, no matter how cheap this shit gets. I live in Seattle, btw.
  
  Who goes to Starbucks for the coffee anyway? I goto places like Starbucks for over sugared blended ice drinks.
- Consultancy firms know where their bread is buttered. In cases like this one, they're not much more than professional yes-men in suits.
- Yeah fuck Seattle. All they ever did was revolutionize the entire coffee industry 2 separate times, and foster talent for generations of musicians. I guess they're also great at culinary experiences, art and culture, and maritime history. Oh and tech. They kind of dominated the tech industry for 40 years. But nothing else! Fuck that place! All hail Newport Beach!

Life on earth isn't going to last much longer if we tolerate these types of people
- Unfortunately a significant proportion of the population idolizes these parasites because they think they too could be billionaires if they just lick those boots hard enough.
  As long as we keep pretending conservatism is a valid political ideology, things will only get worse
  
  As long as we keep pretending conservatism is a valid political ideology, things will only get worse
  Hear, hear
  
  There's nothing wrong with conserving. There's everything wrong with whatever the fuck people who call themselves conservatives today are.
  
  they think they too could be billionaires if they just lick those boots hard enough.
  'They see themselves as temporarily-embarrassed millionaires' is a straw man, and it's always been a straw man. No one has ever earnestly expressed this sentiment.
- This comment, in reference to anything but parasitic sociopaths who exploit others for their own benefit, would be very troubling.
  But because this is targeted at a billionaire asswipe, I have to say I agree wholeheartedly.
  
  Change People to choices and we are all good all around.
- Unfortunately, people don't usually tolerate my brand of intolerance towards people actively making the world shittier.
  A quick drop and a sudden stop pretty effectively neutralizes any future plans billionaires can make.
  
  Recently being swallowed by the ocean has been another method the Earth has been using to remove them as well.
- We're already past the tipping point. Don't have any more children.
  Maybe there's a higher power who you will be judged by. Even if not, there is no need to be wasteful at the expense of other life.

Also don't forget that remote work bad!
- Right?? Private jet or no private jet, I would jump at the chance to just decree from on high that corporate HQ was now virtual. Like why make that much money and still enslave yourself to a commute?

CEO's are the pox upon this planet! They are only here to maximize profits in anyway possible wich usually means fucking over everyone they can
- Remember they only have to maximise profits because of the exorbitant salaries they demanded.
  The profits were already there before they took them, and now they want the customers to increase their profits so they can hand that to their shareholders
- I'd say in general sure, but I've known some CEOs of small companies who really do care. They just never make it to massive companies, probably because they aren't willing to do the horrible shit needed to "take it to the next level."
- I think cancer is a better analogy.
  Like cancer cells, billionaires are part of the system that just keeps on trying to grow and hoard all the resources, hurting and damaging the organism
- In our healthcare system they're talking about refusing non emergent treatment for people without insurance until they get Medicaid, which can apparently take a month. This would save about 20million, which is strikingly close to what Propublica reports the system pays in executive compensation. In other words, if the money is THAT important, we have a way to save that money without literally denying cancer care (time is a factor). But reduction in executive expenses isn't on the table. Fuck these high earning sociopaths.

Just don't buy Starbucks and this MF will magically disappear. It's terrible anyway...
- I started boycotting Starbucks when I learned they had partnered with Nestle for store-bought products - their Sumatra and Komodo Dragon coffees were pretty good.
  I send an email every year or so to let them know, since boycotts aren’t effective if the group being boycotted doesn’t know why, with predictably apathetic responses.
  Anyway, if you’re a no-Nestle person then Starbucks is on the list…
  
  I started boycotting Starbucks since the first time I tasted their coffee. Espresso isn't supposed to taste like burning tyres. I don't understand how they can charge so much for dogshit coffee.
  It's not impossible to make a chain of coffee houses that serves decent coffee, Espresso House did it in Sweden.
- It's genuinely some of the worst coffee you can get. They only specialize in drinks that are basically just milkshakes with coffee in them.
  Hersheys + ice + milk + coffee beats any iced mocha they've ever made at starbucks.
- Australian's know good coffee.
  https://www.news.com.au/finance/starbucks-finally-puts-a-lid-on-it/news-story/cf4789fd760b607390d01c0b11bde1c9

I realize as a mere pawn in the giant corporate chess game I have no right to ask this question.
But how in the ever loving fuck is this man providing that much value that he can justify this kind of action. There wasn't another candidate for the job that could do 90% of the same work, but was willing to live in the same zip code as their employees and save the cost and emissions of this commute? I guess this man will result in the most profit for shareholders. I can't even comprehend how someone can justify it, though.
- His "value" is he can schmooze and stroke egos
- This is really about class and a small club of inside people who are wealthy and have a lot of shit cornered.
- To be a successful CEO at this level you need to have zero morals and be the most sociopathic person society has to offer. It really tracks when you see stories like this.
- He’s not providing value. He’s showing off.
- No other person has the chipotle experience he has.
  Chipotle is up 135.78% above the s&p 500 over past 5 years.
  All of that growth is directly attributable to the CEO (/s)
  
  That growth is also directly attributable to short term gains that will ruin the future of the company.
- another candidate for the job that could do 90% of the same work, but was willing to live in the same zip code
  But then who's gonna do the remaining 10%? Oh wait..
  See? It goes around and around.

I'd boycott them but I haven't had Starbucks in years.
- I've been boycotting it for a while but honestly it's not hard. If I'm going to spend Starbucks money on a drink there are so many better places around.
- I had it once and it was shit, I'll get Timmies Ho's before that trash
- Just had my first cup in years and it was trash. My macchiatos are so much better.
  I just spent enough for a month supply of espresso on a fucking cup.... Was away from home and got weak
- I used to like their hot chocolate but they don't have that anymore.

It should honestly be a disqualifying demonstration of bad decision making.
You can either put in a lot of effort straight away (saving time and effort later), or delay the inevitable, pay quite a large sum in transport costs every day, and have to do infinite airport runs?...
Choosing the latter shows he shouldn't have the job.
- But he make number go up! Him good CEO! Ugh guh. EBITDA unk chick-ken
- Honestly it shows a lack of commitment. By refusing to relocate it shows he’s not planning on staying.
  Come in, axe some heads, “streamline” and “cost cut” whilst gutting indispensable roles that have invisible contribution. Stock gets attention, lines goes up, he gets his bonus payout; it’s a classic CEO shuffle pump and dump.
  Or maybe he’s their agreed scapegoat for their increasing union busting. Either way, he clearly has no plans to stay with the company long term.

That guy's private jet is gonna crash with him in it.
- We need sky orcas to deal with the sky yachts.
  I'm thinking armored California Condors? Maybe highly trained pods of Bald Eagles, with cybernetic enhancements.
  
  Pigeon mounted nuclear arsenal
- Fuckin' hope so.
- Optimists like you make me sick.
- Gooby plz.

On the bright side, every time he flies there’s the risk he gets into in a plane crash.
- Maybe we can get lucky and he crashes into the home of another billionaire. Two uber rich, one plane
- There's something profound to be said about flying too close to the sun.
- Planes are a magnitude safer than cars. Health wise, he's better off flying for his daily fucking commute
- Fly small crash small
- Flying really is safe. What you’re hoping for is a daily commute via auto.

Fuck this guy. The only thing I think of when I see his face is that god awful video he did about Chipotle's portion sizes.

Guillotine.
- It goes
  It goes
  It goes
  It goes
  It goes

Fuck Nestle.
And since Starbucks is owned by Neste: Fuck Starbucks.
- Starbucks is a publicly traded company owned by its shareholders. But still, fuck Nestle. Also fuck Starbucks for being union-busting asshats.
  
  My bad, its even worse: they choose to work together with nestle: https://stories.starbucks.com/press/2023/nestle-and-starbucks-celebrate-five-years-of-their-global-coffee-alliance/

Stuff like this is why I hate these companies so much. Yeah mate I'll use a paper straw for your overpriced coffee to save the environment, you can continue to come to your office in a fucking plane everyday.

Can he commute via billionaire submarine instead?
- Or yacht off Sicily

The crazy thing is that when I try to put myself in their shoes, it would be hell to commute to an office by a plane, even if it had all the luxuries in the world, 5 days a week. That's like 5 hours wasted every weekday. If I had private jet money I'd just work from home or if that's not possible, buy a house a walking distance from the office.
- private jet isnt like a regular plane though just imagine a man cave that can go anywhere
  
  Sounds nice until you have to commute every day in it, same as driving a car.
- PRIVATE jet though. He's not standing in line with his shoes off
  
  It's still 5 hours stuck in a loud metal tube every day, with no freedom to get out without landing somewhere.

i'll be genuinely surprised if he lasts a year, especially with schultz standing over his shoulder

alright guys, lets not get into paper strawman arguments here

I went to starbucks and bought a large reusable plastic cup that I'll probably never use again... I helped save the planet!

what dude cant pay for a fancy hotel or something? seriously?

Not that I would be surprised, but source? I don't get my news from images that anyone can throw together.
- I saw a news article about this pop up on my feed earlier - which had more info. He's not actually commuting every day. Just 3 days a week. They're also building an office for him in Newport for him to work out of.
  Fuck this guy.
  
  Oh just 3 days a week, that's ok then. At least he's thinking about the environment.
- https://www.cnbc.com/2024/08/20/starbucks-new-ceo-brian-niccol-will-supercommute-to-seattle-instead-of-relocating.html
  
  I want to watch a documentary about the dickheads that came up with the spin phrasing "supercommute" to try to preempt us naturally labeling this "Planet-fucking-pollute-o-rama"

What a bitch, fuck him with a traffic cone!
- A traffic cone is too good for billionaires, barbed-wire is more suitable.
  
  I'm a fan of the good old Garden Weasle, myself.

This guy looks so out of touch... Looks like the kind of guy that goes to a donut shop and when asked what he wants, he says, "uh, just whatever makes sense"

When do we get to eat this guy?

I used a paper straw once, it fucking melted in my drink because paper doesn't work well with liquids
- I remember when Maccas stopped using straws in France.
  They just printed on the cup - "We've stopped using plastic straws. To drink, remove lid. You're not an infant"
  Don't suppose that'd work in a country of insufferable crybabies though lol
  
  based
  
  You think every American alive can't handle drinking without a straw?
- They work fine, what you encountered was a cheapo shitty paper straw.
  proper ones are quite thick, more like a cardboard tube, and will start to go sliiiiightly soft when your drink is finished anyways.
  
  I have tried the ones you are describing and they’re still shit. At that point, just skip the dang straw and design your cups to work well without.
  The most annoying thing is most places giving out paper straws still put their iced coffee in a big plastic cup.
  
  Every one I ever had was shit.
  Metal ones work great for me, but paper? Come on, I'd rather have no straw at all. It's just more junk, more CO2.
  
  Every single paper straw I've ever used has been awful, and has significantly diminished my enjoyment of my drink.
  While it is a small thing, I have on multiple occasions not bought a drink when I otherwise might have, because it was going to have to use a paper straw.
  Of all the places where we can reduce plastic usage, the humble straw is a horrible place to start.
- Were you drinking hot coffee or something? I've used those wax covered weird things a couple times and didn't have a problem with them. I would just rather not even use a straw really.
  
  I've had paper straws turn to mush in my milkshake.
  
  I was drinking Cheerwine
- I just carry around a silicone straw. It's also useful for various drug things, MacGyvering stuff, etc.

Fuck corpo coffee

Praying for a trueanon rule to come to pass on this worthless pond scum
- Pond scum has more ecological importance then him.

https://www.tax-the-rich.eu/

Did he say he would do it every day? I know he's not moving but in my (admittedly limited) experience execs fly up Monday morning and stay to Thursday or Friday night and fly home.

That's at least a good 6 cups of Starbucks purchased by my wife.

Flying 1600km just to check emails and tell an underling to bring them coffee... nice.