I know Mormons can't have alcohol, but couldn't they just dip their tongue in a glass of beer and not move it?

I have family in Utah and there's a pretty common joke in this vein.

Why do you always invite two Mormons to a party?

Because if you only invite one they will drink all your beer.

They could also use the poophole loophole.
A tampon soaked in Vodka and inserted anally gets you drunk fast.
At least that's what a friend told me.

Its called...soaking...don't Google that

You need someone else to shake the glass

This is the type of thinking that could be the next soaking or jump jumping at BYU.

How long should they let it soak?

I wouldn't want to be the guy standing in front of the Throne of God and saying "But technically..."

They need a friend to jump on the bed

What I find mad about this is that the Jesus they claim to follow (and totally not Joseph Smith who they really follow) drank wine and commanded His followers to do so

Can they buttchug it?

Nah

it's called soaking and they already know about it lol