Joe Biden ends re-election campaign

It's Joever
- Never been more Joever.
  
  this is without a doubt the most joever it has ever been and, god willing, ever will be
- opens isitjoever.com scale
  Wait...
  taps the scale, the arrow bounces around and stops around 100%
  It cannot be...
  shakes the scale and places it onto the table, the arrow moves to 100%
  Is it... joever?
- He is Bidone.
- Biden 2028 /s
  
  If we had to bet money I'd say Biden 2025

FUCKING LIBERALS GAHH
- “If only he could have made that decision sooner.” You fucking assholes have been saying that his obvious brain damage is a fucking stutter for five fucking years! Shut the fuck up!
  
  2020: umm pointing out Biden's mental decline is ableist sweetie.
  2024: wow Biden is fucked up, how come he didn't come forward sooner????
- Liberals are always retroactively correct
- Not left, not right, forward.
  
  We must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!
- “It is never time to learn any lessons from our failures of long term planning.”
- We need a president who's boring in a good way, like Obama. His worst scandal was wearing a tan suit hehe
  
  memoryholing the Snowden leaks
- That was then. This is now.
  
  people need to understand Biden exists in the context of all in which he lives and what came before him, you think he just fell out of a coconut tree?
- every.. fucking.. time

This is how Bernie Sanders can still win.
- No, it's her turn
  
  Sorry Kamala. We already have a president chosen
  
  WRONG, it’s HER turn
- Kamala/Sanders

Last time I went out for a run, Trump got shot. This time I come back and Joe Biden has been retired.
The mistress of fate fears my calves
- Have you considered changing from weekly runs to daily runs?
  
  I'm fearful of the consequences... And also my calves
- You need to go on a run everyday until the end of this year, comrade
  We need more post material
  
  Week where decades happen is just when someone gets really into cardio
  
  The secret service finally connects the dots and sends a hit squad to kill my ass when Putin and Xi announce they're going to get gay married
- keep up the good work comrade
- No I think I have to come back for my runs for it to take effect. Like it's a sort of quantum state where something could have happened at all times but only will have happened when I return home.
- Ya need to gump it up. Feel like running?
- Can you get a treadmill maybe?
  
  Then I could follow along with the news and thus nothing would happen
- Go for more runs
  
  But my leggies hurt!
- Got those Flex Mentallo calves.
  "Hero Of The Beach" more like "Hero of Hexbear"
  
  Flex mentallo was a wild deep cut. Had to Google that guy, is the comic any good?
- I eagerly anticipate the day you run a marathon. It'll be a 10000 comment thread before the day is out.
  
  Lenin rises from the dead and chokes on an Oreo within minutes

It's her turn
- Finally a real educated respectable politician unlike drumpf who is a very rude guy.
- She never sleeps, the Hilldawg. She says that she will never die. She whips and nay-nays in shadow and in light and she is a great favorite. She never sleeps. She is dancing, dancing. She says that she will never die.
- Sadly she has shit political instincts and thus hasn't been building the base support to make her nomination possible this time around. She would've snagged it from Kamala though (and then lost to Trump again)

it’s her turn
- Marxism-Coconutism
  
  You exist in the context of all in which you live and what came before you.
  Kamala demonstrating Marxist historical materialism.
  
  On Hexbear we uphold Kamalaite thought
- Fucking nice
- Where's Obama?
- Take this bit on the road please
  
  What does that mean?
  
  I think republicans think this, my dad's boss told him that kamala was a scary radical communist back in 2019

- Probably. I think most of the other potential DNC ghouls are scared of eating shit and getting the mantle of Hillary 2.0 when they're fine waiting for 2028.
- She's the best chance they have to win imho. Because picking anyone else looks like extreme ratfuckery and loses a lot of the base. (And people here overrate how supposedly unlikeable she is lol).
  
  Kamala explains the eternal science of dialectics
  
  The guesses that she’ll perform poorly are based on the 2016 primary where she wasn’t unlikeable as much as she was bland and forgettable. She’s just a blank slate now people can project what they want onto her.
  I still don’t think she has a good shot and that Whitmer or Newsom would have it. I’ll be surprised by her alleged likability when I see it.
  Edit: tbf I do know some suburban wine mom/aunt libs who love her. So clearly there’s a demographic there. Problem is that it’s very similar to Hillary’s. I don’t know if that’ll be enough to push her over the edge.
  Having the first female/non-white president is probably going to be the card they play. Will probably play up her being half-black more than half-Indian and make comparisons to Obama.
  
  Yeah this. Its the easiest transition. And i know its hard for me to imagine how people who don't really follow this stuff feel about her, or how people who are going to
  feel about her. I do think people will like her less the more they see of her, but i don't know that it will matter.
  I don't think it really matters what people feel about her. The dems strategy is negative partisanship and abortion. The candidate doesnt matter as long as they can keep the conversation on Trump and abortion. Harris is really bad at this, on top of being an outright ghoul, but she can at least say the word abortion. And abortion is already boosting the base and going to drive people to vote.
  I'm not saying she'll win, but i think more or less anyone but Biden could be competitive in this race. It could go either way, but i think people here are a little kneejerk that the dems will lose to Trump.
  Disclaimer- i don't care about this election or who wins. I've just followed this stuff for way to long to not have an oponion on what might happen.
  Death to Amerikkka of course
  
  Another big factor is all of that money that's been donated to the Biden campaign that only she has clear legal access to
  
  I saw someone mention Mark Kelly, the astronaut turned AZ senator that flipped AZ blue. I think people could get behind that with the right campaign. I dunno if the DNC is that competent though
- Biden just endorsed Kamala according to news coming across the wire.
  Still remember to remind Democrats that you can't vote for her or anyone else because the primary and thus the people in our totally healthy, totally democracy CHOSE Joe Biden and that he was undemocratically forced out by unelected media, donors, and insider. As such you're either withholding your vote in protest of slap to the face of Democratic voters who CHOSE Joe fair and square or writing in Joe.
  After all people don't vote for a ticket for its vice president who is a place-holder at most, often a compromise with the visions of the candidate. They vote for the candidate, so it's not at all fair to say votes for Joe were votes for Kamala or transferable to her. Just repeat this at liberals and watch them malfunction and lose it as they cope with their impending loss.
  
  because the primary and thus the people in our totally healthy, totally democracy CHOSE Joe Biden
  I know you’re doing this as a bit but this line pissed me the fuck off from Biden or bust losers. What the fuck primary are they talking about? Only like half of the states had primaries, and in half of those Joe Biden ran unopposed. Here in Florida there literally was no primary. And then these lanyard dick motherfuckers go on TV and say “suck it up this is what we all decided in the primary” and I’m like bitch who’s we?
  
  Write in Biden or Clinton, it's only fair
- Biden endorsed Kamala on twitter but it's not his decision. The candidate will likely be chosen by the DNC in August.
  https://xcancel.com/JoeBiden/status/1815087772216303933
  
  3 months to hustle. The DNC got this in the bag lol
- as long as she's the nominee she's paying for my next decade of bong rips
- She probably has the best odds anyways
  
  i saw a poll (🙄) where she was losing but the governor of PA would beat trump
  
  Doubtful, until like a week ago she was the only Dem that polled worse than Biden against Trump. Literally any Dem governor would win, and most of the house reps and senators probably would too.
- looks like joe's team just tweeted an endorsement for her
- That's what they have been polling for so it will be very funny if it isn't
- Do they have any other choice? There are a grand total of zero potential candidates with any sort of charisma.
  Maybe AOC could have worked but she's not old enough yet.
  
  AOC was on the keep Biden in train lmao
  
  Tbh I think Whitmer could win. This is going to be another "vote against Trump" election, and she was literally targeted by MAGA nuts who wanted to drown her in Lake Michigan. Plus she single-handedly delivers one of the swing states that Dems need.
- Yes. Joe took out himself and whoever replaces him, and possibly the Democratic party itself. NO WAY Trump can lose now, and if they put up Kopmala it will be an epic sweep. I will eat these words with a mustard sandwich if somehow the Dems win, but I'm feeling pretty safe, tbh.

My take away from this is that it wasn’t the genocide, it wasn’t even his shitty debate performance, it was fucking covid that pushed this asshole over the edge. A small amount of justice for all the people who are suffering and dying from this terrible disease that Biden for years has simply been ignoring.
- Yep, it was 100% Covid. Either that or his health has declined so much his staff is using Covid as an excuse.
  
  I'm guessing he had another stroke or brain aneurysm or something and he's even more incoherent now. He had, what, two aneurysms when he was relatively young? Now he probably has Parkinson's and he's had covid like three times, he's probably even more noticably cooked than he was for the debate.
  
  So... Kamalah's run can get three boosts from Biden now.
  First if he's hospitalized.
  Second, if he's moved to hospice.
  Third, when he kicks it.
  If these things happen when Trump needs a media boost, he's gonna have to do some truly amazing shark jumping to take back the media cycle from paying attention to Biden.
  
  I'm guessing his mental state has deteriorated to the point where the amphetamine cocktail they give him to help him stay somewhat conscious during public appearances isn't enough anymore and if they up the dose he's actually at risk of dying.
- Covid is officially an act of god
- I don’t think he actually has Covid, I think he was incoherent and mentally not there before that event, so they blame Covid. I think it wasn’t even a secret among DNC politicians and donors, and at that point they could no longer pretend it was just one bad night.

They showed him the CIA heart attack gun they used on Bernie.
- They had to show him a couple times
  
  they went for the headshot too probably, judging by the look of things
- They uncovered the secret of the Biden crime family and offered him a deal, drop out or we'll show the world you and Hunter have been running z-library.
  
  running z-library
  Would've actually gotten him a few votes
- I ain't scared of that, Jack! They shot me with that back in 1980.. 1980... listen. The 1980s were dangerous for everyone, not just bla- I shouldn't say that. Anyway. It'll take more than that to stop me, Fat!
  
  I was there in the ambassador kitchen when they got RFK man! You can't scare me with that little fella Sir... Sir... Sir Mix-a-Lot. Look, I know what this is all about and that's why... anyway. Sorry man, I talk too much, I should go now.
- Tbf with Biden that's just hiding behind a curtain in the Oval Office and then jumping out and shouting, "Boo!"
- This is how Biden got "Covid."

May 1000 coconut trees bloom 🥥 🌴
- But only if they are in neighborhoods for pell-grant recipient small business owners who just graduated college 3 years ago with fewer than 10 digits on their fingers
  
  Ah, the coveted woodshop teacher-turned-Etsy store demographic

oh man the convention is going to be an absolute shit show. There’s no way for the democrats come out of this looking like anything other than usurpers of the democratic process.
- They won't look like usperpers if they just give it to Kamala lol?
  
  They will; that’s my point, they look like usurpers regardless of who they pick.
- How much do you want to bed the lanyards are the ones to present the pick and their entire justification is, "we polled Democrats on these 4 candidates and our choice got the best (43%) approval!"? They will then call that democracy.
  
  Ah yes, the infallible democratic process of the will of those that pick up a call from a number they don’t recognize on a landline

Lie about working towards progressive causes.
Get elected.
Do nothing progressive. Instead, obsessively back a genocidal regime.
Have liberals back you for re-election under the assumption that you ever gave a shit.
Drop out and fade into as much obscurity as you possibly can after all the horror you've caused.
- Crush unions, overturn Roe v. Wade, fund Nazis, expand fracking, fund cops, start wars, do genocide.
  Retire as most progressive president since FDR somehow. Hand over a losing election to a black woman on your way out.
- Gets praised for stepping down.

Oh yea, its coconut tree-pilled and context-maxxing time
- heh, you kids were all out partying and ripping fat clouds meanwhile I was practicing the context of all that came before

Keep the kamala harris megathread handy comrades, we're gonna need it.

Wasn’t it insane how the mainstream press completely silenced Tara reade and accused her of being a Russian plant?
- Dems killed #metoo to protect a genocidal racist

May he be tortured to death by hallucinations of those he's killed in his life as a politician and the lives of those ruined with his policies. May he forget all that's beautiful in this world as he slips gracelessly from his mortal coil. Rest in piss, bastard
- Love it, but unfortunately he's still the President, so he's got seven months of ruining the world left to do.
  
  he's still the President
  For now. He's a shambling corpse on his second or third bout of COVID, and this week's decade just began -- don't count out pleading the 25th just yet.

I'm actually considering going to the next local Dem meeting tomorrow to check on their vitals rofl.
- Wear an "I'm with her" shirt please
  
  I have a shirt with this on it that I wore to church today:
  Probably the best I can do under short notice and no funds but they will think that since it's anti-Trump it's pro-whoever they dig up to run now.
- Please do. It would be great slop for the rest of us.
  
  I donno how much I can report. It's usually just a small group of old, decaying people complaining about the grave that they dug themselves by always punching left and never doing anything actually progressive to get members on board.
  Last year they threw a fit over Roe V Wade and I was like, "y'all ran a Catholic, what did you expect?" I didn't really say that but maybe I should have lol.
- If you do, say you're organizing a grassroots write-in campaign because Biden is obviously electable, all those polls can't be wrong, it's a conspiracy to keep him out of the race.
  
  I'll come up with some sort of "grassroots" verbiage, get all their rich old white person money, then donate it to Claudia.
- Full Support Comrade
  
  Maybe I should smoke before go for maximum entertainment...
- The thing I'm looking forward to most at work tomorrow is gonna be listening to the normally insufferable boomer lib on the radio while driving, the call ins are gonna be hilarious

Leaving her on a sinking ship is a good bit.
- She still gets picked last for all of the DNC dodge ball games.
  
  It would almost be worth it to see the look on hildog's face to have to congratulate the first female president

I was with a lib at the moment the news broke
orw:
- Same 😭

Just thought of a very funny outcome: Kamala loses to Trump, and Biden dies immediately afterward, leaving Kamala as a lame duck president for three months
- Kamala uses her carte blanche from the supreme court to drone strike trump and retain her position
  
  Critical support
  
  Dropping drones from the White House like coconuts from a tree
  
  Trump will not exist in the context of all in which he dies and what comes after him
- Lol then she's still the first woman president. Hilarious
- [Dentist waiting room]
  Me: [chanting] year of four presidents, year of four presidents-
  Other patients: year of four presidents, YEAR OF FOUR PRESIDENTS
  Secretary: [pounding her clipboard] YEAR OF FOUR PRESIDENTS, YEAR OF FOUR PRESIDENTS, YEAR OF FOUR PRESIDENTS!

I am fuck'n floored that it actually happened

What's really funny is how every single normie thread about this on the Internet is now locked. What is the point of comments sections of they are just going to get shut down as soon as anything gets spicy? It's also pretty cool how libs can be shitty to anyone and lash out against people plainly stating things like "what's happening in Gaza is a genocide" but God forbid we be a little happy about this new development

So uh now what
- Kamala or open convention (itll be Kamala)
  
  If its kamala were getting trump 10000%

Oh my god there is some delicious lib takes in r/politics post. Lamenting what was done to the kindest greatest president grandpa ever.
- All I feel is dread. America will not vote for a female president right now. 😞
  What the f is going on? This has to be on purpose. Why wouldn’t he just keep chugging along and drop out AFTER the election? It’s been TWO WEEKS since that awful debate. Harris is a BLACK WOMAN that even DEMOCRATS didn’t like in the original debate. She’s been forced on us, and the inherent racism and sexism of the USA will never get her to the White House. Why would he wait this long? This seems so horribly bungled it HAS to be strategic. Democrats truly are just as bad, and our false hope just spoke through its actions instead of its words for once. America is so fucked.
  In no way am I saying this is right or just, but the only reason Trump won in the first place was because he was against a woman. And now it's a black woman. How do people honestly expect that to go???
  Again, I'm not saying this is right and I absolutely wish things were different but America is not ready for that. We have to live in reality.
  the US will never elect a woman. It’s trump who will win.
  I’m afraid of people like my father in law from PA, who is a democrat, but probably won’t vote for a black woman.
  We need the whitest, most cornfed VP to be on Harris’s side.
  You mean like Josh Shapiro, who will definitely be on top of the list
  or Mark Kelly!
  Kamala hasn’t even announced her candidacy, but assuming Biden endorsed her, there must be intent for her to announce soon.
  But can she win?
  a POC woman? I'd be shocked
  Just some examples. The preemptive racism and misogyny of liberals is on full display. These spineless worms will tell you we can't have black / female / gay leaders because America is inherently racist, but they will always be the first ones to take action and prevent it from happening. "America will never elect a gay president," they'll tell you, as they vote in their primaries to prevent it.
  Not to say I think Harris is a champion of women or black causes in any regard.
  
  Obama won handily twice, even widely-disliked Hillary won the popular vote
  
  It's also just a cope to explain away why Hillary lost. "Oh the US hates women, it has nothing to do with the fact she didn't campaign in swing states, changed dialects depending on where she was geographically, was a charismatic black hole and known by most to be a dreadful ghoul willing to throw anyone under the bus to get more power. It's just because people hate women, no need for introspection."
  
  the inherent [...]sexism of the USA will never get her to the White House
  remember when they lied about Bernie saying this and pilloried him for it
  
  these are the people who called bernie a misogynist in 2020

Already got a text from some loser PAC to "thank Joe" and send a contribution to "show commitment to Kamala." Replied that they should [redact] themselves etc etc, I know it's a robotext and no one will read that shit, but maybe some lanyard dork will stumble upon it and take a hint

ROLL OUT THE KAMALA EMOJIS ...tupac

- I'm really enjoying people's "Only Biden, the most progressive president in American history can beat Trump" brain worms absolutely writhing right now.
- no more half measures walter

THIS IS ALL A PLOT FOR THE NEWS MEGA TO BEAT THE TRANS MEGA.

We’re right on schedule folks 😎
- you bastard

He's still planning on giving Netanyahu COVID tho, right?
- Kopmala met with him instead, and he didn't suffer a brain anuerysm unfortunately
  
  Dangit

Trump has this shit buttoned up, in the god damn bag.
- Literally anything could happen and you'd say this.
  
  Yeah, because our massive moist boy has it in the bag. Unless something incredibly funny happens.
  
  That's because he does

The slop is good tonight!! 🥳

DO NOT CUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are all KHive now
- The khive was inevitable, should've known from the start

- Hey you have measages check your messages

It's time
- Kennedy/Buttigieg is a strong ticket for the dog hating demographic
  
  Make it Buttigieg/Noem to show a commitment to bipartisanism.

Yep... this was inevitable. The ultra-corrupt and anti-democratic "Democratic" Party political machine knew that Biden was senile for years. They just kept him in there long enough to avoid having to "deal with primaries." Now they don't even have to bother rigging them against Bernie Sanders again. The best way to respond to this is either vote for a third party presidential candidate or not bother voting at all.

Where we joe one we joe all

Biden is a russian shill??

Nothing ever happens bro in terminal conditions rn

i wonder how much internal debate happened in the dems, like are they all just goign to go behind kamala or is it the wild west
- It’s gonna be fun to watch live with hextube and/or Hassan.
  
  hasan has 114k viewers right now holy shit

Joe Bye Done ✅

I hope the dems run Rob Lowe!
- It's George Clooney's time to take the biggest stage of his life.
  
  blue reagan would be wild tbh
- The first, sad ending from Wayne’s World except instead of Tia Carrere it’s the United States of America.

well, whatever absolute ghoul is going to be parachuted in as her running mate, they can't be worse than genocide joe
the lathe turns

I don't have much to say except, 9/11 was a national tragedy.
- Reminds me of that tragedy
  
  I didn't even know he was sick
- National tragedy, international comedy. The first time in history that the American managerial class got got on their home turf en masse.

Cmon hunter biden 2024....
- "I mean, consider the sunk cost on all the merch we already printed..."

WEEKS WHERE DECADES HAPPEN

We must now protect democracy by voting for someone who wasn't democratically elected. I would say I'm looking forward to the Kamala press conferences, but the Democrats don't really do those anymore.