It's basic science

Water is best when you're thirsty. Water is best for hangovers. Water is best for sports hydrations. Cold water is best when you want a cold drink. Water is best for lunch. Drink more water.

Ex-Army infantry guy here.
In basic training, location Ft. Benning GA, late August. Hydration was important, and that was impressed upon us by the drill sergeants, who would pause the activity at hand for the moment and do the 'Drink Water!' call, to which we'd reply mostly in uninspired enthusiasm 'Beat the heat drill sergeant beat the heat.'
We'd then down a canteen (a quart) of water. On especially hot days, we'd do two canteens. No dumping on your head or on the ground - you had to finish one or both. We'd refill canteens and get back to the day's task of doing push-ups, sit-ups, crunches, and in-between those, learning Army stuff (sir).
One guy, Peterson (name changed), couldn't do a canteen of water. This guy was the opposite of Joey Chestnut. He ate and drank like a bird but never lost weight. Slow metabolism and high energy conversion I guess. He never seemed dehydrated I would say. But water and food were just minimal for the guy. He'd drink a pint, maybe a sip more, and done.
Our drill sergeants weren't having that. You had to finish the canteen and flip it over your head. Failure to comply was met with drinking more water, until you finished the canteen, while your platoon did push-ups. No pressure.
The rest of the story transpired really quickly.
The drill sergeants hit him with the order to drink more water, and he did, and he stopped, and then they said keep going private, and he was in obvious pain, and he said no drill sergeant, and you could see the crinkle in the eyes of the questioned, but before that drill sergeant's body language became verbal, Peterson puked up water, gallons of water it seemed, then breakfast, and the upper contents of his colon I'm pretty sure (j/k being illustrative). A medic, who just happened to be Starship Trooping on by, got on the horn and got the kid to a clinic. He was water intoxicated, we later found out.
One of the great things they forget to show you on the recruitment brochure lol. He was eventually fine, and we were relegated to drinking until we could spit out saliva a few inches.
- For fellow citizens of the civilised world: a quart is basically a liter, and a pint is half that.
  Anyway, jeepers creepers. They literally poisoned their own guy so bad he was hospitalised. The US army is evil.
- perhaps one day humanity will finally learn that people are different, and forcing everyone to do exactly the same things will never work out well for either party.
  and it's not just that it makes people miserable and maybe even actually harms them, it's also just an inefficient use of resources!
- The drill sergeants almost became radio show hosts
- That's a good story bro
- I don't get military people. Why do they perform this kind of theatre?
  I doubt it is helping people become better soldiers. Quite the opposite. They are made into sheep with no integrity or own will.
  Is cannon fodder really that valuable in war?
My understanding is that it depends on context. Have you been sweating a lot? Are you super dehydrated? Sports drinks (actual "sports drinks" like Gatorade) are probably better for you than water.
The reason for that is because you lose a lot of salt and other electrolytes through sweat, and drinks like Gatorade are meant to replace those. That's why professional athletes, especially stamina-based athletes like marathon runners, football players, etc, tend to drink some form of sports drink (the sponsorships help though). Additionally, if you're extremely dehydrated then you may also be low on electrolytes (because you've been out in the sun, or you've been sweating a lot). I've also heard that sports drinks hydrate faster because they're supposedly similar to saline, but I can't find any sources for that, so take that with a grain of salt.
However, if you're just kinda thirsty or want something to drink, then water is probably better. I doubt you'll hurt yourself drinking Gatorade instead of water, but you don't need it either.
- they're supposedly similar to saline, but I can't find any sources for that, so take that with a grain of salt
  Intentional or not, that is a grade A pun
- Gatorade and its electrolytes are better than water for recharging and rehydrating after or during significant physical activity.
  Basically, you are correct that an appropriate amount of salts helps you rehydrate more quickly.
  You know what is even better for most people, if your daily caloric intake is not at Olympic levels?
  Pedialyte. No where near as much sugar thrown in, more Vitamins, less carbs.
  This article goes into it a bit more:
  https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/pedialyte-vs-gatorade#bottom-line
  Basically, Gatorade's additional sugar and carbs mean that it makes sense if you are highly active, have a considerably above average physique, or actively drinking it mid work out or other strenuous activity.
  For more average people, pedialyte probably makes more sense.
  Especially if you are going to pick one to replace water.
Agreed on all except the sports one. If you're sweating, you're losing electrolytes and you need to replenish them.
- Electrolytes. They're what plants crave.
- But you can do without the shit tons of sugar in Gatorade.
- Also true for hangovers
Fact: 100% of all people who consume the chemical compound Dihydrogen Monoxide eventually die. #HydrationHalt #DitchTheDrink #StayDryDontDie #MADH2O
- You cannot say that with statistical certainty. There's about 8 billion people who haven't eventually died yet and all it will take is one of them to break that 100%. You should include a disclaimer with an error range or you might get sued by someone who spikes someone's drink with dihydrogen monoxide and then they don't eventually die for botching their assassination.
  That said, the statistics are pretty strong. 99.9% is basically 100% plus wiggle room so no one can sue me, so readers should be aware that this dangerous chemical can also go by the name of hydrogen hydroxide and some food manufacturers try to sneak it by with the name aqua in their ingredients list.
Like... from the toilet?
Gatorade (or rather electrolyte waters such as SmartWater) is best when you're dehydrated and also need salt. The electrolytes help your body actually use the water. Too much water will flush your system out and can lead to cramps and other problems. Especially in the case of dehydration if you've been sweating a lot.
Water is best for sports hydrations.
It's literally not, but okay
Spoken like a Lemming who hasn't worked out seriously or had a serious physical job in their life.
Humans didn't spend the entirety of their existence looking for shit better than water for no reason lol. Hydrohomies and an iced glass of water is great... But...
You know what's better than water when you need water? Nearly everything that isn't alcohol or literal piss.
Yes, this includes milk and soda. Anything with sugar, protein, or fat is great.
And yes, spiking our drinks with low amounts of drugs is also nice.
https://www.cnn.com/2019/09/25/health/best-drinks-for-hydration-wellness/index.html
- You know what's better than water when you need water? Nearly everything that isn't alcohol or literal piss.
  I mean it really depends on the person and their current condition. The article you linked kinda has an abstract definition of hydration that doesn't take into account things normally associated with dehydration.
  If you are working hard outside and are mildly dehydrated I wouldn't recommend slamming down a sugary soda with caffeine. Excessive sugar is diluted in the intestines which can cause further dehydration, and caffeine is a diuretic.
  Normally this wouldn't really matter, but if you're already dehydrated it can make the situation worse.
  Water is great, it may not be the most effective hydrator in the world as it doesn't have the electrolytes and sugars that something like Gatorade has. However, it's the best thing for your overall kidney and liver health which is what really matters. Most Americans already have an excess of salt, fat, and sugar in their diets, so even after working outside and sweating your ass off you are probably better off just having some water.
The average basement dweller probably just needs more water in their life, but anyone eating a balanced diet who is sweating and working out hard or competiting in an athletic event absolutely needs electrolytes not just water. Drinks like Gatorade with simple sugar in them are also still good in this context, the sugar is a readily burned source of energy that is important to have available for high intensity activity. Obviously if you drink sugar and sit on the couch it just goes to your waist, but that doesn't make it bad for people who are using it correctly.

All I know is you shouldn't drink a ton of red gatorade midway through a night of heavy drinking.

When you start to throw up, your friends will assume you are vomiting blood and call an ambulance or possibly an exorcist.

“I’ve been poisoned by my constituents!”

All of them are great if you want diabetes.

Yellow Gatorade turns into urine when it gets warm.

It's basic science.

It's Kool aid with a different label, fight me

alright I'm putting my gloves on. Gatorade is an electrolyte drink. the sugar hides saltiness. also, Kool aid flavors are way fucking tastier. don't disrespect Kool aid like that again.
- I must yield sire
It is not!
That’s all I got. Nothing else, that was my power move, and it took all of the fight right out of me. I’m done.
- Kisss theeee riiinngg

blue Powerade is the king of Ades.

Marine Corps beat that into me. We had two options for drinks at the chow hall in boot camp: water or blue Powerade. No milks no juices no sodas no red Powerade. Only blue Powerade. It's the only one I'll drink anymore, the rest serve no purpose.
- they don't even make the drink mix for it anymore. if I want to buy it I have to pay full price. in college, 50/50 blue Powerade and Sprite was my go-to
Yes, and much better than Aids. Pronounced the same but very different
- aids is a great way to lose weight though
Blue Powerade slushy from Sonic on a hot summer day is the GOAT