America Is Sick of Swiping
America Is Sick of Swiping
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Definitely agree with the article’s sentiment, but what else is there these days?
The last time I saw someone ask this question, the general response was to start participating in new hobbies and meeting people. Considering that our time is typically already packed full if you try and eat healthy, have a job, go to the gym, hang out with friends there isn’t a whole lot of extra time for new hobbies and activities. That response always felt so empty like if I had that much free time I would have already been doing something fun with it. Dating apps seem to me like the only option to date outside your existing social circle. It’s a sign of the times and our lack of time.
Hot take: if you have so little free time that the best you can do is phone time, maybe you need to work on priorities or time management.
I get it. I also have shit time management and spend too much free time on my phone, when I could be replacing an hour spent on my phone with an hour at a nearby coffee shop reading a book, or participating in an hour social club once per week.
start participating in new hobbies
What if I already have hobbies? I'm not rich enough to stop working, my time is limited. Also what's the link between hobbies and dating?
meeting people
"Want to meet people? Easy, just meet new people!"
Useless advice. Meeting new people outside of work or school is practically impossible. People giving this kind of advice never explain how to do it, because they don't know themselves.
dancing and dance classes are a great way to meet people there's an app called meetup - use it to meet up with people go to trivia night follow local gathering places and check out their schedules if you're in a larger city, there may be a Do{yourAreaCode} website with a list of things that are going on joining a food or drink tour in your own city is actually quite fun and locals/new comers do it as well book club? people rarely read books. they mainly hang out
expand your route, linger in public, be friendly, walk through open doors. but you have to leave the house.
and yes, I do these things (haven't done a book club yet) and yes, I meet new people, even when I was in a small town. I made an entire friend group by going to meetup events.
eat healthy, have a job, go to the gym, hang out with friends
- Cook a healthy meal and share it with other people. Meals are a perfect time to socialise. I met my partner at a Christmas lunch a decade ago for example.
- Find a job where you interact with other people, avoid jobs where you sit in a home office all day by yourself.
- Personally I think gyms are terrible. Some sort of sport (even just group running) is more fun, a better workout because competition will drive you to work harder, and you will meet new people.
- Don't just hang out with friends. Encourage everyone in your social circle to invite new people into the group. Most of them won't be a perfect fit and will naturally orbit out, but a few will stick.
People are saying get hobbies... And yep.
I've been very "successful" on the dating apps, but they almost always resulted in a one night stand or a fling for a few weeks. You meet someone with the expectation of romance and you never form a friendship because you see eachother as romantic partners first. That may work for some people, but I see it as a loss of foundation. When I don't have a history with someone before being intimate, I tend to feel overwhelmed with the anxiety of expectations.
For me I found swing dancing was a great way to meet people. It's fun, there isn't necessarily an expectation of romance, but it also is a mood where romance can happen. I also thought to myself "I can either sit on my couch high AF while feeling like shit as I swipe left and right while trying to hold a virtual conversation that mostly goes nowhere, or I can go dancing. If I strike out on tinder, I feel like I wasted an evening. If I strike out dancing, fuck it I had a great time anyway!"