how can I develop a thick skin?
how can I develop a thick skin?
today was supposed to be my first day of therapy and the therapist didn't show up. I'm pissed off. I wasted 2 hours for nothing.
I've sent her a polite message, asking if she's sick and hoping she is well, but in reality I wanted to yell at her. However, if I yell at her, chances are she won't treat me.
Before you suggest to find another therapist, finding a shrink where I live is very difficult and the other ones I contacted have either ignored me or are overbooked. I need therapy and it bothers me to be so dependent on one person.
For those of you who have experienced something similar, how doesn't it bother you?
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It does bother me, but its also something I cannot control. I try to remind myself in situations like that, that I am only responsible for my own experience.
I cant control other people, but I can decide how I want to intemperate what has happened. I could choose to be mad, or hurt, or inconvenienced. Or, I can choose to pause, focus on my breathing, be mindful of myself and where I am putting my emotional energy.
Being angry, and hurt is easy start but actually requires lots of energy to maintain. I dont really want to spend all my time and energy on things that are now in the past and I cannot change, so I try to change what IS in my control, and if I can I try to support the people I depend on so they can be there when I need them.
it all sounds very woowoo and when your mad probably impossible, but like everything it requires practice. Start by stepping back, closing your eyes, breathing in and out slowly, then after like 15-30 seconds when you can engage your rational brain talk yourself through it. What could I have done differently, if it was not in my control then why am I choosing to intemperate it as malice or inconvenience? Can I or should I do anything different next time?
Do something like this any time your feeling this way and it will become a tool that you can start to depend on, and something you do control!
I would only add to do this also when you are not feeling this way. In my experience it’s very hard to make this happen if I only try to roll it out when I’m already feeling mad. Doing some daily meditation for 10-15 minutes is the only way I’ve had any success being able to engage that when I really need it. Also it’s nice to be able to step back and recognize good emotions / reactions.