I just chuck'em on a chair or a lounger, works for me

Why do all these gay guys keep trying to suck my dick? I mean I'm definitely not gay as you can tell by my collection of vintage Playboy magazines and my rugged good looks. And it's not like I'm doing anything wrong as I stretch out my calves on the park bench at 11pm while wearing my super short shorts to make running easier. But the next thing I know, some gay guy will start sucking my dick! It's really annoying. I ask them to stop, but they just keep going with those long even strokes while softly caressing my testicles. I even tried bribing one once, but that just emboldened them. I don't know what else to do to make these gay guys stop. It's really starting to interfere with my running schedule.