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And so, the time came to finally write my tranniversary mega. I had scheduled MONTHS in advance, in anticipation of making a post celebrating a year of being out as a trans person, celebrating the onset of Pride Month (which should be every month but June is also peak egg cracking season

), and going over all of the major things that have happened in the past year. I go to write it a few days before, which says a lot, and… I don’t know what to say. A lot of things ended up happening that make this a different kind of post? I haven’t really been on this bear site in a bit, my mental health took a really horrible turn, I had been burning out for months, and to be honest I’m still recovering. The semester is finally over, and I’m still somewhat volatile, especially in terms of my anxiety. Like, existentially bad. There were also aspects of the site that compounded on issues I was having, and the enjoyment was vanishing, so I decided to take my leave. I did end up staying in tracha by the way, highly recommend joining if you haven’t already. Element has many wonderful tools to help with the anxiety that could come with a chatroom, and I know anxiety quite well 😅. Notifications are easy to disable, or enable if need be, I still get DM notifications. Was also able to turn off my read receipts, which was a huge cause of anxiety for me, it takes a lot less energy to lurk, and now I don’t feel a lingering obligation to say something. I’m getting sidetracked at this point, I don’t want to make the intro longer than the rest of the post, so let’s just get into it.

And that’s where I’ll leave all of you. I’ll interact with the mega this week, but then, I’m gone. I don’t think I’ll delete this account like I said, but I already unmodded from most places and am logging off. Maybe I’ll come back one day. Maybe I won’t. If I did, I’d happily step up and mod both this comm and the disabled comm again. We have plenty here, but I feel genuinely bad about leaving the disabled comm, and well, I hope that in the event I returned you’d all be happy to have me. Honestly if I had a way to isolate the two comms and be in them, I would o7. Not to shill tracha again, but that’s kind of what it is to me. Everyone I talk to on matrix (which is like one person consistently but brain please shush) is from tracha, and it really is a nice space, albeit one with varying degrees of activity but I’m not the one to complain, and so I'm not. Life is tough, energy is low, and I feel exactly the same way. I guess I keep bringing tracha up to drive home the fact that I’m not dropping off the face of the Earth. I’m still here, not cutting myself off and isolating myself, just trying to get a better hold of my anxieties and other mental stuff and my self. The various batteries of life drain fast, but I’ll keep going. I know many feel those drains too, but just keep going and take any time you may need!

Live as yourselves, strive to grow, stay curious, take that extra step for yourselves, and care for not just the other people in your lives, but yourselves as well. We deserve to live, and we deserve to be here, as ourselves, no matter what others might think or say or do.

May you all have a great week, and HAPPY PRIDE MONTH LET’S GO!!!

Join our public Matrix server!

https://matrix.to/#/#tracha-space:matrix.org

https://rentry.co/tracha#tracha-rooms

As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.

Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.

Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.

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359 comments