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  • None of these are small changes per se, but here are some things that can help, and which can be worked towards with small and persistent changes.

    First, covering some of the basics:

    https://www.nih.gov/health-information/emotional-wellness-toolkit

    • sleep 8+ hours a night, go to bed and wake up around the same times each day
    • exercise every day, try to get aerobic exercise a few times a week but still walk on days you can't
    • go outside, try to get 30 minutes of sunshine every day (basically: do your exercise outside, otherwise do something else outside - I personally get a mental health boost from picking up trash, it makes me feel like a good person)
    • I have a rule to never take any drug the day after I used it (so basically never take a drug every day, or any two consecutive days). This prevents a tolerance building up, keeping the drug the most useful. It also helps prevent dependence and addiction. With certain drugs I have more strict rules, e.g. tobacco I don't use more than once a month as a rule, while caffeine I like to have a 2 - 3 day minimum before taking it again (so practically speaking I don't use caffeine more than once a week or so, at most).
    • eat a varied and nutritious diet with lots of vegetables, incorporate fiber-rich and whole foods and reduce consumption of processed foods
    • drink lots of water throughout the day, start the day by drinking a glass of water and then keep a bottle of water on you so you can continue to hydrate

    Beyond that, what helped me immensely was:

    • practicing 20 - 40 minutes of loving-kindness meditation every day (especially the modified TWIM method where you actively recall the feelings and not just dryly repeating intentions)
    • practicing 1 hour of vipassana meditation every day
    • running 10 - 20 miles a week
    • cycling 20 - 60 miles a week

    Because loving-kindness was so effective for me, I want to actually write out the section from TWIM that was so helpful. From that TWIM PDF linked above:

    If you can get past the corniness and all the various forms of resistance that come up, generating good feelings and holding onto them is a pragmatic tool you can develop and build that can lead to increased happiness and mental well-being.

    I feel like therapy should be mentioned, I have seen a dozen or so therapists over decades, but for the most part I never found therapy particularly helpful. At times therapy was actually quite harmful (usually by accident, not due to ill intent by the therapist). I still believe therapy can be helpful and that people should seek out a therapist, I just can't say that it every helped me that much.

    Journaling also should be mentioned because it can be helpful, but in my life journaling was a tool that brought me a lot of harm as well as some good. So I guess just be careful about having journals, know that they can be taken from you and weaponized against you (even in ways you wouldn't have ever expected). It took me over a decade to finally journal again, and now I use it for very limited purposes. I still feel I can't be honest or vulnerable with my own thoughts on paper, so my writing remains more analytical and pragmatic than emotional. Sometimes I have found writing poetry one way to help be vulnerable that way without feeling threatened.

    • Dandelion thanks so much for typing that out! It's brilliant information for us all, really detailed and helpful. I journal sometimes too... do you have any old ones you read? I have mine but don't tend to read them

      • I burned most of my journals after a step-parent took one of them and read it in front of my family to punish and humiliate me. After that I didn't journal for a long time. One of my journals from when I was 10 - 13 years old or so survived, and I have that one. I read it a few years ago, and was surprised at how lucid I was.

        I started journaling again a couple years ago, but it's usually just about analyzing my dysphoria - basically just talking down the "brainworms".

        You should try reading your older journals sometime, it can be quite cathartic. I feel a sense of loss at having burned my journals, I feel like I poured myself into them and now my memory makes it difficult to recall what I was like accurately. Having an artifact like that would be useful for when I'm trying to do some personal archaeology, or even just for fun.

        Thanks for creating this community, by the way. We are lucky to have you. 💞

        • I'm really sorry that happened to you, it's honestly traumatic. Your most private thoughts being exposed and ridiculed like that, at such a young age as well. It's every young person's nightmare, it's just cruel. Do you have much contact with the step parent.

          And that's so kind of you thank you! I really got lucky though, it's such a wonderful group of women here. It wouldn't work at all without all of you ♥️

          • I don't have much contact with any of my parents, but I have no contact with that parent in particular.

            There were plenty of bad things happening in that house growing up, but I feel lucky it wasn't worse. I think a lot of abuse victims feel this way, though - like they didn't really experience abuse because it wasn't some stereotype of what abuse is in their mind.

            Either way, I have mixed feelings about it all, and consider myself very lucky and privileged overall.

            And I feel the need to laud your founding of the community, your labor as a moderator, and above all that, someone who makes an effort to keep the community active. Sure, we all participate and together form the community - but you do an immense amount of work and play a larger role in facilitating this community than the rest of the members. You do an amazing job, and I just really appreciate you. 💗

            • Yep it's a difficult one. There's always worse, and psychological abuse is really hard to name and it's even harder to get people to understand how bad it is. They get broken bones, but don't get broken hearts. You did amazing surviving it all!

              And thanks Dandelion, it has been a lot of work but comments like that really do make it worth it. I really do appreciate you too

    • Holy shit, I need to start meditating again, this may just give me final push to start doing it 👍

      I agree with with your comment and couldn't put it better! I will add (for myself) making/creating art really helps me, and also baking healthy food. Both take me into a chilled out zone.... also me and the bf are going to get e-bikes so we can get out and about, fresh air, exercise and greenery, whilst not killing ourselves, (but you don't necessarily need an e-bike for that)

      Also, I'm really sorry that your private journal was weaponized against you, no-one should have to experience that

      • I think meditation can be a very powerful tool, but like any treatment it can also have side effects. It's worth familiarizing yourself with those so you can recognize them and navigate them well (sometimes this means meditating less, or stopping entirely). When I meditate regularly I experience insomnia, which is very common with monks who meditate and on meditation retreats.

        Anyway, I just don't want anyone to hurt themselves. Most of the time recommending meditation is safe because rarely do people put in the effort and time and make enough progress that they start having side effects, but you never know and it's better to start with informed consent.

        I used to make art a lot, but I lost it somewhere along the way. I would like to return, but life hasn't always been so permitting.

        Baking is great too, I love cooking and baking!

        I should have added taking hot baths to my list. I'm not sure how much it actually improves my mental health, but there are supposedly studies that show it helps, and I feel overall like it's possible it helps me (I certainly choose to do it a lot, esp. when I want to relax or feel better).

        Riding bikes sounds really nice - I miss that feeling of freedom.

        And no worries about the journal, it was a long time ago and I was so dissociated by then that it was more just another thing to endure than anything else. Life is much better as an adult with freedom from parents. 😄 Every year is better than the last.

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